Ebay for REBECCA EVANS

On the set 2015

You are bidding on one (1) authentic REBECCA EVANS. This item has been damaged over its lifetime and is rendered broken and imperfect, and is sold AS IS. This item is not necessarily beyond repair, but extensive repair is required and this item will never be restored to its original model.

The seller acknowledges that the item being sold is defective. The seller also acknowledges the mistreatment of this item. Early childhood neglect, sexual trauma, assault and abandonment has rendered the item a “high achiever” on the outside while struggling to achieve within.

This dichotomy in REBECCA EVANS’ life led her down a path of more self-abuse than any other human could possibly place upon her in the outer world. Her constant self-criticism and judgment, her need to starve herself for two out the four decades of her life were all part of a slow suicide pact that took an act of G-d to finally cease.

The seller won her fourth grade Spelling Bee and from that day forward, accolades continued to follow: the Inspector General Award of Excellence while serving her country in the United States Air Force; Mrs. Idaho 2004; Boise State University’s “Women Making History in Idaho”; Phi Kappa Phi; Presidential Writing Award; Phi Theta Kappa, Idaho Business Review’s “Idaho Woman of the Year”…to name a few. When the seller gave birth to her first son, a medically fragile child with disabilities, her self-abuse began to ebb and  her focus turned her energy towards the life of that child – which is specifically why the seller feels confident that REBECCA EVANS is not beyond repair, but is instead simply, clearly, utterly broken.

This item comes with baggage, a history of poor choices in husbands (NOTE TO BUYER the term husbands is used in plural form) and an uncanny repetition of events that forced her to continuously begin her life over. Of course the buyer could see these features as positive if he chooses, but most would judge REBECCA EVANS as a bit neurotic, analytical, overthinking and oversensitive.

REBECCA EVANS comes with several accessories as well: three sons, two adopted pugs, four Rhode Island Red chickens, a goldfish won at the Idaho State fair and a book collection just shy of a bonafide library. She has an almost superpower ability to make a difficult situation appear easy and a strong sense of humor in conflict.

The seller acknowledges that said item is not for the weak of heart and only the most courageous of souls should even bother to bid.

CARE FOR THIS ITEM: REBECCA EVANS requires food, ideally sushi and sweet wine, though she will settle with Grape Nuts and fresh eggs for most meals. The item is lactose intolerant and will require a supplement of almond and/or cashew milk in place of dairy.

This item also requires attention, compassion and ears that never tire of listening as REBECCA EVANS has a need to vocally process most every angle of life. The buyer will also be required to absorb REBECCA EVANS need to make sense of most situations with a sleuth-like intensity to understand not only the “HOW”, but also the “WHY” to life’s greatest puzzles and general human tendencies in the world around her. To avoid constant chatter, the item can be generously kissed.

This item needs rest and recovery from her battles in life, yet she will fight to do exactly the opposite. Any buyer should be mindful of REBECCA EVANS need for hyper-productivity and help encourage instead balance and rest in her daily life. NOTE TO BUYER: Oceans, mountains, bubble baths, fireplaces and candle light can all contribute to aiding in this balance.

That being said, the buyer enters this purchase at his own risk and can expect to be both inspired and continuously entertained by REBECCA EVANS creative and often odd approach to daily living.

The item is not returnable.

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9 responses to “Ebay for REBECCA EVANS

  • Fronds of Green

    Tears. I read you, loud and clear.

  • Ron

    Very inspiring love the read I am going to be in Jackson hole in a few weeks maybe we could meet for dinner to catch up

  • kermit jackson

    I bid… $ 5.. on you ? to be a friend? …email me. ..to compare notes / listen / artwork/ photos of plants / and a lifetime of plants / plants have far fewer head trips…than people…2 types of people ….
    ….medicated & those going to the …
    …” pharmacy “….”.friends don’t let friends
    just exist “…. I have written several jokes. ..
    ….but not on the. ..1st email ?…..
    … I always call ( text ) the next day ?…..
    …..in 19th century social media…computer’s…
    had cell phone 2 yrs. .. before told to charge it…” have camera will /want to travel more !..
    …work in progress on ” all of the above “..
    …………..kermit….

  • Clif (Kevin) Swan

    Although I am not in the market for a Rebecca Evans at this time I know a good value when I see one. There is a bunch of difference between a junk store and a cool stuff store and this Rebecca should be removed from the junk store and placed at the cool stuff store. Maybe in the window because a precious item like that can draw interest from every shopper that happens by. I fancy myself a fixit man and would relish this project, but my hands are old, my tools rusty and my work bench full. Yet, my eyes are filled with experience and can see this Rebecca is not as broken as a first inspection might suggest. This is a good Rebecca with many years of good use left. Just needs a cleaning with the solvent of kindness and the oil of patients.

  • Joe crowell

    You are awesome. So cool. Your a real woman. Thus is what men really look for. Quality men.

  • Jennifer

    While I do understand that this is a writing exercise and meant as allegory, I would caution against seeing oneself as a commodity to be sold. Too many men already objectify women and your “ad” plays in to that unhealthy narrative. If you think of yourself as something that can be sold, men will understandably think of you as something that can be bought and will treat you accordingly (i.e. like they “own” you).

    • Rebecca Evans

      Jennifer,
      I never advocate for the objectification of women (or anyone) on any level. If you notice on this post, unlike eBay, I do not list a price. It is meant to demonstrate that, though broken, a price cannot be placed on me, despite my view of myself – I have worth. And the writer (me) begins to unravel and even hint at her value as she continues to write – pointing out accolades and awards that she is proud of – it is meant as a journey into self-discovery and self-worth. And the hope is to offer inspiration in regards to self-forgiveness, self-acceptance – and of course self-worth – which is far more valuable than a “price”. Thank you for your feedback and an opportunity to respond.

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